2016 Coachella Fashions

California girls we're undeniable. Fine, fresh, fierce we got it on lock.

West Coast represent now put your hands up

OooOooooh Oh OooOOooh

Officially, The Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival, is an annual weekend concert located in the Colorado Desert featuring several genres of music across multiple stages simultaneously. Unofficially, it's a costume party where Victoria Secret models get to express their inner Pocahontas by wearing fringe and taking ecstasy. At least that is what I have gathered from my Instagram feed. I have never been and at 29 years of age I fear my time has come and gone. An old fart like me is better suited to orgiastic tent activities at Burning Man. That's right kids, enjoy your tie-dye pill popping good times because the next step in adventure land is group sex with Indigo Phoenix and Charlie Rainblow and nobody gets a shower.

So what did the top talent at Elite and Ford models wear this year? To quote the great oracle Taylor Swift, "I feel like maybe chokers are the new flower crowns?"

"I'm a little bit of country and I'm a little bit of rock n' roll. I'm a little bit of Memphis and Nashville With a little bit of Motown in my soul."

Fashion inspiration drawn from hip hop, classic rock, indie, and electronic artists.

On that note I made some collages, because I effing love collages and when I was done I realised that not only had I gathered my favorite magical pixie sprite looks from this year's festival, but I had also accounted for 90% of Leonardo DiCaprio and Bradley Cooper's ex-girlfriends. 

My top picks for the 3 day festival are below on Chanel, Kendall, Kaia, and Alessandra, all of whom are Victoria's Secret models, except Kaia who is only 15. Three more long years till she can finally provide masturbatory material for horny men worldwide #goals.

My top picks this year (left to right): Chanel Iman, Kendall Jenner (x2), Kaia Gerber (Cindy Crawford's daughter), Alessandra Ambrosio.

Belly Bling

The key to festival fashion is to somehow dress as sexy and creative as humanly possible without handicapping your day drinking efforts. Naturally hot pants and crop tops are a go-to look and comfortable footwear a must. Everything else is icing on a size double-zero cake.

Legs or GTFO

Friends with fringe benefits

To the left, to the left. Every lace bralette sold at H&M on a girl to my left.

Madame Butterfly

That's all until next year folks!